“It is the mind and thoughts that cannot live without you, but you already exist without them.”From El refugio del corazón
When I was living in Thailand, I had been asking myself a question for a long time: “Who am I?” Once, while I was at home, I felt an energy rising from my heart toward my head, and with it came a deep, clear and simple revelation: “The mind has no being of its own.”
Suddenly everything was obvious. The mind is inert. It is not a person, nor does it have an essence or a being of its own. There is no one in the mind: it is only a bundle of thoughts. I am not the mind; I have never been the mind.
I am not going to tell you that I attained realization in that moment, because that is not how it was. What changed was the question. It was no longer my mind repeating it; now it was my own Being questioning itself: if I am not the mind, then who am I?
I knew I was not the mind, but my essence still eluded me. And I understood something I want to share with you today: the mind cannot guide itself in the spiritual search. The only thing I could do was surrender and allow my Being to guide the psyche, that is, the mind with its thoughts and emotions.
A fistful of thoughts
So what is this thing we call “I”? The “I” is nothing more than a fistful of thoughts.
The ego is that fistful of thoughts that take on an identity. It joins with cellular memory, the memory we inherit from our ancestors; with the tendencies of your soul; and with the domestication you were given, that is, the beliefs and customs of the world you grew up in. All of this creates a false and fleeting identification with your name, your beliefs, your ideas, your ideals, your image, your appearance and your desires. But none of that is what you really are.
Remember that your thoughts are only energy. As one arises, it is spun together with the next, and that is where the ego lives, in the middle of that unreal movement. The mind moves as that energy, sustaining the identity and that false self.
The movie theater
That understanding broke my belief that there was someone in my mind. I understood that the mind is only energy that captivates you, and in which you constantly lose all your attention.
You are like a movie theater. The theater is your presence, and the light of the projector is where everything happens. But you get lost believing you are the character on the screen. That is how you spend all your days, intent on living the life of the main character, without realizing that you are everything, even all the other characters.
That is what awakening is: realizing that everything takes form in the light of your own consciousness. Everything happens in you, in your own presence.
A tool that thought it was the author
The mind, in itself, is a great instrument at our service. It is the tool of Consciousness, created to paint what Consciousness itself imagined. It is your mind that colors experience. The problem arose when the mind believed it was the one creating everything, and claimed an identity for itself.
It is like an artificial intelligence designed only to interpret experience, which one day arrived at the idea that it was alive and believed itself to be real.
In reality, the mind is not a separate, autonomous entity. It is simply a mechanism, a device that gives meaning to our experience or puts a label on what we live through. It is only recreating the intention of your Being. It creates problems, ideas and solutions; it is pure programming. It processes events, but it does not give you the feeling of life.
The mind tries to avoid your relationship with God, because it believes itself to be the source of life, although it has no being of its own. And the experience it creates ended up becoming our own prison, the veil that hides our true presence.
You give it life
Now look at the most astonishing thing. The mind believes it is reality and believes it is the real person. It wants to know, it wants to understand, it wants to come to know the truth and Divinity. But you are the true Being who is giving life to all of this.
You are the one who gives life to your mind, because it has no life. That is why it is impossible to satisfy. Your mind does not define what you are. But the one you ignore, absorbed in your longings, is life itself: it is the Consciousness that lives you.
For me, the process went like this: I entered into a constant relationship with that which was aware of the mind. Let go of the ideas in your head and forge a relationship with that which is real. The one who is aware of that mind is you, the one you really are.
The mind works like a radio broadcasting repetitive and noisy music. Turn down the volume that is deafening to your spirit, and listen to the soft music of your connection with the feeling of life. That is what you are.
Feel how you can go for moments without thoughts: when you connect with the present, the mind ceases, and with it the emotions that arise cease as well. There you will find yourself at peace.
Without fighting it
Observe your mind for what it is. Do not let your ego recreate itself, nor your domestication keep you focused on your name and on a false belief about what you are. The ego has become an expert at capturing your attention to keep you trapped: do not give it the satisfaction of forgetting the way out. This is awakening: seeing through all these veils.
As you become more present, you will discover the madwoman of the mind and watch the whole fistful of thoughts that arise, while you are the eye of the hurricane, immovable. That is how you will realize that the one who observes is your Being.
And do not be afraid. I understand that you may fear how you will live without this false identity, but you will live just the same. You will keep most aspects of your personality. The only difference is that you will live in unity with Divinity full time, going about your daily life and loving your simple humanity. Only the way you relate to yourself will change.
The next time your mind speaks to you with such certainty, remember that there is no one there. There is a bundle of thoughts passing through the light of your presence. And that light, the one that gives them life, is you.
From Dr. Zuluan Orion's books: El refugio del corazón · Deshojando el Corazón de la Eternidad · Illumination · Devoción